private correspondence, daddy appreciates the finer things in life

5:01 PM Luke: when i get there
5:02 PM im gonna get that NEW YORK feeling!
5:03 PM daddy kant wait
he'll need to bring the finest of clothes
put on ALL his makeup

JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT

maybe i'm a dork, but i think this is really funny. i especially love the background music in this clip. just kidding i don't.




special note to baby: you could probably join in on some of these improv gigs. it's out of new york. we all know how much baby loves improv.

ELAINE!

jesus... WHO KNEW?

i LOVE chloë

...not only because i've started watching big love, but because she is doing a collaboration with opening ceremony designing menswear. daddy loves opening ceremony. and daddy loves chloë...her messy hair, her exotic name, her awesome outfits. baby saw ms. sevigny at the strand in NY with her bright red lipstick. did you think i forgot that story you told me baby? i didn't. anyway, here is the shit she designed. i kind of like it chloë. good job.

SMOKER!

these are the hands of courtney love. that's right, she abuses her body. jealous?



hedi slimane

PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE: baby's a believer too!

What a great time we had talking on the phone last night

Then baby laid in bed and felt sick for like an hour and a half-- fragile baby.

Anyway, baby saw infomercial for P90X and she believes in the power of the home workout. All you need are dumbells or resistance bands, a pull up bar, and this disk!!

Xoxo
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

THANKS TONY!

tony and i have been working out for a week now, and man is he encouraging! whenever i'm feeling down, or have exhausted myself doing pull-ups you know what he tells me? "do your best and forget the rest!"
p90x is changing my life ladies and gentlemen. oops, sorry tony, i mean boys and girls. tony calls us boys and girls.

BY THE WAY

BABY DOESN'T WANT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING, BUT BARBARA WALTERS CASUALLY SIGNED A COPY OF HER BOOK FOR BABY, PERSONALLY, NO BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING !!!!!!!!!

Oh that's right, I guess it does say, "with warmest wishes," because Barbara has very warm feelings for me. Personally.

Busy Baby

Baby has been very busy in Arizona, but at least baby's hotel room isn't haunted this time!!! While Daddy was trashing it up in Reno, Baby saw Sedona, Arizona, home of the "original dirt bag" !


Hey KFlay-- remember PIE Dirtbag??

Hey the rest of you-- sorry, inside joke. And you're on the outside.

i think she looks great...

or healthy. i mean healthy. she finally has a normal body.

photo- the superficial

DADDY WENT HERE TODAY--his new favorite city

so i went to RENO NV today and i am in love. i could really see myself moving there in a few years. it's a lot like new york. it has the latest fashions, a cutting edge art scene, world class shopping...i could go on and on. but what daddy really loved was how every windowless, carpeted, smokey building we walked inside of was covered with mirrors, brass and fake marble. just in case you didn't know those are daddy's favorite materials.

i actually DID go here for a few hours today. i'm not lying. do you think i'm lying? because i'm not.

private correspondence: fake links (just for laughs)

Mollyanne: MTV.COM/THECITY/WATCH.HTML

ahhhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

that was a FAKE LINK

GOTCHA!!

Sent at 2:32 PM on Wednesday

me: i never cclicked it HAHAHA

b/c i was looking for my stupid headphones i dont have

Sent at 2:34 PM on Wednesday

me: but it was a good one

its a fun gag to play

like "hey check this out it's soooo funny! www.mollyhaspumpkintits.com

Sent at 2:36 PM on Wednesday

Mollyanne: hahaha

www.lukesausagefingers.com

www.trueconfessions.com

www.drunkstepmommy.com

stepmommie.com

me: HAHAHAHA

WE ARE SO FUNNY

Mollyanne: RIGHT WE ARE SO FUNNY RIGHT

Sent at 2:45 PM on Wednesday

Mollyanne: RIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

www.smallface.com

Mollyanne is busy. You may be interrupting.

private correspondence: new york has changed baby

Mollyanne: baby just booked her towncars to the airport

jealous??????????????

JEALOUS???????????

classy towncars, waiting outside baby's apartment

then towncar driver holding up sign that says "thomas" at airport when she comes home?????

Sent at 2:25 PM on Wednesday

me: BLAH BLAH BLAH

baby is fancy

EVERYONE GETS IT

Mollyanne: BLAHHHH

i love it though

its my favorite part of travelling

Sent at 2:28 PM on Wednesday

me: i awlays travel in towncars

Mollyanne: HA HA
YOU WISH

i feel like olivia palermo when i'm in my fancy towncar

have i told you about my true love?

it's been an obsession of mine for quite some time. i crave it more than coffee when i wake up. this morning, i woke up and got ready, yadda yadda...went into the kitchen and opened the fridge only to remember that we haven't had orange juice for like a WEEK. not only had i DOWNED my own supply but i dove into chris's and finished his as well. so the entire car ride to the train, the entire train ride to the office, and the first 15 minutes of being at my computer, orange juice was LITERALLY ALL i could think about...i mean it had been days since i had that taste in my mouth.

so i took action. i went across the street to this really sketchy convenience store and bought my orange juice. i had to drop the extra cash and get odwalla partly because i wanted to treat myself after being deprived for so long, and partly because the only other option was minute maid (don't even get me started on minute maid). this brings me into the next topic: orange juice rankings.

i have had this discussion with MANY people so i feel like this list is pretty acurate. we are not including frozen concentrates. those are a whole seperate level of disgusting. so here it is:

6. shitty store brand- sometimes it's necessary. i don't judge. better than nothing.
5. minute maid- it was tough for me to decide if i should put this last or not. it's pretty bad. it literally tastes like frozen concentrate in fancier ready made carton. i mean they did start out just doing concentrate. but still. it's sick.
4. tropicana- better, but still not fresh enough. orange juice is supposed to be an explosion of freshness. this is not.
3. florida's natural- the best of the shitty brands.
2. simply orange- i rarely buy this. it's really good. but when you're poor, you look at the simply orange for a while debating, then look over at the florida's natural which ALWAYS has some sort of 2 for 1 deal...and we all know daddy can't turn down a deal at safeway.
1. specialty- odwalla, naked, etc. basically designer shit from a designer grocer. always tastes like sunshine. has pulp bits for freshness. always bright and a little bit more translucent.

also pulp is 100% a YES. it makes it so much better. those of you who don't like it, STOP being a 5 YEAR OLD, grow up, and realize that ORANGE JUICE IS SUPPOSED TO BE PULPY.

is this post too long? I DON'T CARE.

does baby have a dolly boner? (daddy does)

so this one time back at home on college break, a few of us stole fancy champagne from eliza's dad and settled down to watch behind the music: dolly parton. we were really cool back in college. anyway, this show was AMAZING and turned all of us into DOLLY FANATICS. but there was one fanatic in particular who was not sitting in the room with us. her name? JANE FONDA. they interviewed her for the show, and let me tell you her praise of dolly WAS UNCEASING.
so much so, that we joked about how jane fonda had a giant dolly parton boner.


and then we all got dolly parton boners.

IF I COULD HAVE ANY BEANBAG...

THIS WOULD BE IT!
i mean it's only $1900 dollars.

Bad News For Blog?

This NYTimes article is pretty freaky... because it makes me think about that forbidden question that has haunted No-Neck Clausen for so long: "Where IS the Internet??" !!!!


Uuugh. I mean, let's get real. We're always like two weeks away from robots taking over the world. Robots that can LOVE!

SUNDAY BRUNCH

so the other weekend, chris and i and his parents (kukis and mike) went out to sunday brunch in the skyline room of the sir francis drake hotel downtown. i thought it would be fun but it was pretty boring. it was just your standard brunch (food wasn't anything to phone home about) with
ZERO entertainment. i was pretty dissapointed.


just kidding just kidding just kidding.
it was DRAG brunch!
and we had SOOOO much fun!






















yes, those are my legs.





















yes chris's dad has his head in her boobs.





















us wit DONNA
















us wit cassandra.

the end.

I WANT TO STAY HERE SOOOOOOO BAD (don't you?)

this is hands down the kewlest hotel i have ever seen.
i actually have no words. like i literally can't think of anything to type i am so impressed.
ACE HOTEL...in palm springs, portland, new york (of course they have one where baby lives), and seattle....COME TO SF PLEASE, and i will stay at you!
i love you!

DON'T STEAL MY IDEA

Baby wants this velvet pouf... it looks like it came out of some sexy french long skinny cigarette smoking grandma's boudouir... yummmm...

invisible treehouse

OF COURSE these architects were swedish.
i mean who else could think of something so innovative?
certainly not anyone part irish part welsh that's for sure.

my roommate had a dream, and you know what? that dream came true.

MY LITTLE BITCH OF A ROOMIE WAS ON THE MOTHER F-ING RADIO LAST NIGHT!!!

check out her and zion i in this really really really cool dope sexy song.

COASTIN' (feat. K.FLAY)

daddy with replacement babies

they're much better roommates than original baby. see how much fun we're having? god i just have so much fun with replacement babies it's ridiculous. is baby jealous? is baby jealous of replacement babies? is she? huh?

I hate the recession, too

Oh my god! The New York Times knows exactly how we feel about the loss of our fave magazine... also please note that the article specifically calls the mag "girlish," sorry Daddy.

I HATE WINTER

And the most bullshit aspect of winter in New York is that it almost always LOOKS like it's nice out!

Daddy and Baby

Okay so Daddy and Baby joke (and secretly fear) that one day we will be Will and Grace... draw your own conclusions, please. Basically, Daddy and his lover will be buying a house and Daddy will turn to lover and say "but the third floor is for Baby and the baby..." and Lover will have a problem with it.

What Baby doesn't like about this scenario (first, among many things) is that she has a baby...

Anyway today this woman I was talking to mis-heard my name and kept calling me Grace. "thanks Grace," "it was so nice talking to you Grace," and it was like a TERRIFYING MESSAGE FROM THE FUTURE!

SECK-see

i have ALWAYS wondered what a really high, drugged up kid would look like...

NOW I KNOW.
i am SO doing this to my kids.
except maybe i'll just give them each a pot brownie instead...

SO much cheaper than some dental procedure and anesthesia.

daddy had some train drama recently

so i was ALL excited to take home the early train from work yesterday, but i fell asleep SO HARD that i missed my stop and was woken abruptly by the train conductor at the downtown station. after figuring out how to get back to my stupid car parked at the 22nd street station i got home half an hour later than if took the normal train.
MAYBE THE CONDUCTOR CAN TURN UP THE VOLUME WHEN HE CALLS OUT THE STOPS LIKE HE DOES WHEN I SLEEP IN THE TRAIN IN THE MORNING.
daddy never misses his stop on the morning train...

baby hearts fonts and gingham

Man does she ever! And even though baby is sad that Isaac Mizrahi left his Target collection behind, she's happy that he ran over and spruced up Liz Claiborne... I remember going there for Glamour and their showroom was something out of your great aunt's 80s nightmare.

SEX-CIE

jak & jil

i tried.

oh katrina...whoa i just had this wierd realization that her name is spelled with a K. or is it with a C? i don't know i was never really friends with Katrina or "angel eyes"...but molly was. molly was best friends with angel eyes. they had plans a lot. now they hardly communicate. maybe that's why angel eyes is crying molly... maybe that's why...

cry baby

Baby has been known to shed some serious tears .... sometimes sad movies make her cry, sometimes US Postal service commercials are to blame. The reasons are many and mysterious. And there's a NYTimes article about it that baby will link to laytaaarr...

new song 4 a parD

I think this belongs on the same party mix daddy and baby have had going for a few years now... right alongside pretty woman and bonnie. Agreed?

GUESS WHO HAS A SWEET ASS ROOFTOP?

That's right... baby does! If it hadn't been for locked-out French neighbor, I may never have known. Something about my building doesn't exactly invite exploration... maybe it has to do with the jackhammer noises that the pipes make, or the soapy water that spews out of the radiator in the "lobby," or the trash courtyard... I could go on and on.

Anyway he was like "You live here? How come never see on roof? Very spacious!"

AND THEN I HAD TO KNOW, AND GOD, IS IT BEAUTIFUL! Baby can't wait for summer days on her scary, silver rooftop.