RANTS AND RAVES: ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS

Now let's get one thing straight: I have nothing against "love," perse. I also have nothing against people who get engaged, married, commitment ceremonied, whatever.

Here's what I have a problem with: YOUR TERRIBLE ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.

In particular, here are things I don't want to see:
1. Flip flops. You're getting a professional photographer to waste their time on your sappy love story and yet you can't find something to wear other than shower shoes? Really?

2. Lusty born-again kissing. Yes, maybe you're waiting till marriage-- okay, whatever, that's fine I guess. But I don't want to be able to sense how much you need to get some through dozens of dirty kissing pics. Keep that to yourselves. This includes those weird pictures where you're about to kiss. Don't do that, either.

3. You frolicking in some kind of botanic gardens. Is that where you two usually hang out? I mean, I'd rather see you doing boring couple stuff like going to the grocery store or fighting in the hallway than pretending like you're normally standing near bubbling creeks, pointing out wildlife to each other.

4. Firearms. Do you really not feel some terrible sense of foreshadowing when you feature weapons in your prenuptial announcements?

5. Weird costumes. Unless you are kidding. Wait, no, not even then.

6. Sweatshirts. Do I really have to explain?

JUST FYI your photographer is probably like oh geez, what am I going to do with these kiss obsessed, gun-toting freaks? Cut them some slack!