12.31.2008

STORE

SEXY

want to see some photos of my childhood?


now imagine this going on for wall after wall... then imagine explaining this to strangers....

no bitchin' in the kitchen!


one of the sad remains of 2044 w. churchill lives on in mary t's kitchen... if only the sign could really keep all bitchin' at bay...

12.30.2008

SEXY: hedi slimane's photo diary


















so i found this and i think its VERY sexy....this man knows how to take a picktur...

he also knows how to make some killer skinny man-pants.

CURRENT EVENTS: shirtless prezies

ny times has a slideshow of shirtless presidents....WARNING look at this in private because it will turn you on.

12.23.2008

see ya L8er

daddy doesn't read poems, so baby will share a seasonal favorite with you


little tree - a poem by e.e. cummings

little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower

who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly

i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don't be afraid

look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms
and i'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't be a single place dark or unhappy

then when you're quite dressed
you'll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they'll stare!
oh but you'll be very proud

and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"

g-bread house, scheduled for demolition


Before departing for Chicago tomorrow morning, Baby will have to toss the gingerbread house that she and sisters so labored over so lovingly. It's modeled after my apartment building. Just kidding.

high quality apartment living


Baby had dvd player and rabbit-eared flat screen television (that came with the apartment...? strangest promotion ever!) removed from her apartment recently. What they didn't take away were ALL THE CORDS AND THE METAL PLATE that one would think were part of the tv situation. Baby is also thrilled about the giant hole.

What they did do was replace all the holiday cards Baby had displayed on the dvd player, and arrange them almost exactly the same way on the cable box! TV Remover certainly has a healthy sense of respect for the holiday spirit.

Horror movie, or, baby's life


Baby's beautiful courtyard is the scene of many posh tea parties and various other spiritual ceremonies. Oh wait, no it isn't-- it smells like pee and is basically a giant pigeon cage where they all do it and make sick gobbling noises RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW.

I mean, is this or is this not pretty fricking scary?

Baby's sneaky style shots


This one was for Daddy. It's hard to tell, but this dude was amazing: leather duffel bag, canvas tote, just-right pointy shoes, sassy attitude.

Baby was built for bitch work...


...apparently. Baby really enjoyed moistening all of these envelopes. Baby also accidentally moistened her computer. Oh, whoops!

it is really important to me


IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME that you understand just how terrifying this is. This is a CHILD mannequin in a storefront wearing a bridal gown and a "crown" which says Happy New Year. Memo to store: this does not entice me to buy things.

ALSO there is an equally terrifying (if this is even possible) "paternal" figure with its hand on her shoulder! Baby is so scared!

12.22.2008

12.21.2008

DADDY IS ROLLING IN XMAS DOUGH

just kidding.
this past week has really broke the bank for daddy...

-$170 for new car key
-$1000 good faith deposit for new apartment which we might not even get
-$1520 in security slash first and last months rent IF we get apartment
-$457 to change my plane ticket home to chicago on top of the $280 dollars i already paid

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

12.20.2008

baby's new favorite thing-


-is taking photos of strangers on the subway. seriously, i do this every morning. this guy was REALLY into whatever article he was reading. but i was into his fingerless gloves.

12.19.2008

CURRENT EVENTS: it's snowing


From the 14th floor, it's like i'm in a snowglobe! Everybody's happy the first time it snows.

CURRENT EVENTS: "we both would love to have more"



michelle and "jim bob" (yeah thats right i said "jim bob") duggar gave birth to their 18th child...blah blah blah. i don't care about their 18 kids but what DOES scare me is her name: Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar.

WHAT IS WITH POOR PEOPLE'S SAD ATTMEPT AT "ALTERNATIVE" BABY NAMES?

here are the rest of them:
The other Duggar children, in between Joshua, 20 and Jordyn-Grace, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1

they're like half biblical half stripper...

favorites:
-jordyn-grace (obvi)
-jinger
-joy-anna
-jedidiah

12.17.2008

phone chat

scene: august 2008
me: 2pm- stoned- chicago- in apartment- 90 deg- old t-shirt and green gym shorts- cooking eggs or something
lexie: 12pm- sober- chico, CA- calling me on break from her demanding job as a movie theater clerk- decides to quiz me about life and love

lexie: "do you believe in soulmates?"
me: "of course"

just kidding, baby

Luke: stop asking me that
I WILL DO IT
me: i have not even been asking about that lately
Luke: please just stop, okay?

12.16.2008

private correspondence, "i've been very tense"

5:54 PM Luke: im SORRY
cathy was right above my shoulder today
ive been really tense
im running to the post office
5:55 PM fuck i forgot my phone
UGHHHH

a day with replacement babies: kris and chris

this weekend i hung out with...


kristine "i fall on rocks for attention and cry when i don't get enough sympathy" flaherty, and...


chris "i look like a gay drug addict and haven't laughed this hard in a long time" heinrich.


we had a fun day together.

on sunday mornings


daddy likes to get out there bright and early with his big bag of rice and feed his beloved pigeons. it's really touching how much he loves those darling birds; his devotion to his flock is really something. there's not a dry eye on 9th avenue when daddy shows up with his rice bag.

it's like they were posing for me


street/subway PDA= not approved.

12.14.2008

CURRENT EVENTS: ha

CURRENT EVENTS: michael jackson is a cutie

i am SCARED TO DEATH to know what is underneath that FREAKY-ASS ZORO MASK

oh tannenbaum


these folks were carrying the baby and had the tree in the stroller. also they were really hip and i loved them.

12.10.2008

spotted: for daddy


baby was on her way home tonight and saw this car



with this license plate

oh daddy

12.09.2008

private correspondence, "if me and chris do amazing race"

Luke: we need to start store
12:56 PM like STAT
me: but in this economy??
who will shop at store?
HOW will we buy store?
12:57 PM can we have a chandy month at store?
Luke: online store?
me: uuuugh
Luke: i know i know
me: NO the whole point is how physically cool store is
uuuuuuugh
how could you even say that?
Luke: okay okayalso if me and chris do amazing race
which we talked about last night
and win 1,000,000
i would have enough capital to buy a storefront

would this cause you some distress?

Imagine a booming voice coming out of some office intercom system (that you were, up to this point, totally and blissfully unaware of) saying, repeatedly:

"Attention tenants, attention tenants. Please disregard any alarms, sirens, strobe lights, or smells you may notice in the building."

Sirens? Smells? I peek around my office and no one else has even looked up. Such is New York.

thanks for it, out baby's office window

may i make a phone call please?


with a phone from this GIANT DUMPSTER OF PHONES that I found in a random empty office on my floor!

CURRENT EVENTS: uh oh rod

"Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois was arrested by federal authorities on Tuesday morning and charged with corruption, including an allegation that he conspired to profit from his authority to appoint President-elect Barack Obama’s successor in the United States Senate"

ROD MADE A BOO BOO

i miss porch

last summer when the porch fell off...

12.08.2008

CURRENT EVENTS: britney likes deep dish

meegan's jr. high crush, will malnati, was seen with britney spears in NY. actually i'm pretty sure they just happened to get in the same shot...BUT these comments written about him are priceless:

"Lindsey, I don't know what you're talking about, I'd do him in a minute! I met him once at a white sox game with this asian friend of his. Give him and his hair a chance."

ps: he invited me to his birthday party in 7th grade but i was too sacred to go...and look where he is now! guess i should have gone to that birthday party!

12.07.2008

SEXY

PETER RABBIT WOULD BE WISE


TO STAY OUT OF MR. MACGREGOR's GARDEN

unique


Baby's needlepoint shoes finally made their NYC debut--

12.06.2008

I won't watch your electric sideshow


Wait this is a bummer! I like Whitney and i LIKE TO WATCH THESE SHOWS, OKAY?!

12.04.2008

baby will politely ignore, because everyone knows how passionately she works to pretend that Going Out Tops do not exist


at the Moma on rainy Sunday, by Kiki

baby loves "going out tops"


these are baby's new friends she met since moving to new york. baby would have been in the picture too (in one of her new going out tops) but her new friends made her take the picture because her going out top was not as nice as their going out tops. also, they said baby's hair didn't look as good as their hair. basically her new friends are much prettier and more stylish and have better hair than baby does.

12.03.2008

SIX FIVE


Daddy is 6 feet, 5 inches tall


and he LIES about it


and says he is 6'4.

i prefer tea

baby, you know you're ADDICTED if you think coffee stained napkins are works of art. i drink tea. in fact i just placed a teabag (from the box that's been sitting on top of the office mini-fridge for the last four years...no joke) into my mug as we speak. that's the beauty of tea...as long as you can find an old teabag laying around somewhere you've got hot herby tasting water! it's better for you and you won't get addicted to a dehydrating hellish beverage that stunts your growth...maybe that's why baby is only 5'2" and daddy's...well you know.

the way i feel...



...about coffee. I go to sleep at night grateful that a new day is dawning... a day in which I get to have that first cup all over again. And then more and more.

Daddy doesn't understand.

12.02.2008

daddy's candy

baby's adventure: a sad story told through dance

This morning, Baby had a lecture to attend in Harlem.



"Exciting!" she thought. "Of course, I will take the train there!"

So she looked it up and figured out how to get from her apartment to the lecture hall. She looked at maps and also at the Internet.

"Ah," she said to herself. "I am good at this kind of thing. I will get there easily. And on time as well."

So off she went.

Baby was supposed to take the "3" train, according to her directions. However, in Baby's part of Manhattan, the "1" "2" and "3" trains all run on the same track, the "1" being Local, and the "2" and "3" being Express.



So Baby got on a "1" train when it came, figuring it would take longer, but still get her to the same place. Baby doesn't like to wait.



Baby sat on the train, reading her Domino magazine, feeling surprisingly pleased that there was a cute man on the train with her. Cute men are NOT a dime a dozen as one might expect in a gigantic city. They are more like a penny in a big bag of dirty leaves.

When her stop came, Baby got off the train and peeked outside. Baby suddenly had a bad feeling. Baby suspected she might be

"Uh oh," Baby said to herself. "My map doesn't go this high." For some reason, Baby's stupid map doesn't go above 125th street, even though there is still a lot of Island above that. In fact, there is so much Island above that that some of the names of streets change, making for even more confusion when Baby gets lost.

It turns out that it is crucial to understand that the "1" splits off from the "2" and the "3" and takes its passengers WAY to the west side of the island, and the "2" and the "3" take them more towards the center/east of the island.

Baby likes referring to "the island".

Baby wandered for a little bit, heading East, then West, unfamiliar with the names of the avenues- not numbers, as she expected, but historical figure names. This did not please Baby.

Finally, Baby came upon a policeman guarding a construction site.


Nice policeman told Baby that she was way across the park from where she needed to be, and that the park is not a nice place to walk across, and that Baby should catch the 101 crosstown bus.

Meanwhile, Baby should have been enjoying coffee and conversation with fellow lecture attendees. Instead, Baby was running to catch the 101, which a lot of feeble and cranky people take, making the bus take even longer to get Baby nearer to her final destination.


For which Baby shows up 30 minutes late. And also really warm from a lot of walking on a cold day. And without any coffee in her system.



Additionally, Baby wants everyone to know that she would have been perfectly on time, but that she enjoyed the lecture immensely.

oh my god

oh my god

NANA


sometimes she's a bigot, but i still like 'er