I think Linds should write an advice column, kind of "Dear Abby" style, with advice for young girls. Like this:
Dear Linds, please help! My boyfriend broke up with me and won't return my
texts. I want him back, bad. What should I do? -Confused in

Dear Confused, here's my secret: bralessness. First get incredibly skinny but remain confusingly buxom, then shun any kind of support system in favor of random recklessness and "accidental" exposure. You'll have him back in no time! And if that doesn't work, then just stalk the shit out of him and his family! XO, L

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