someday...

2129 n. damen
chicago (bucktown), il
60647

original store.
someday that will be my store,
i mean our store.

daddy narrowly escapes death

just sitting in my chair, wasting the day away, when i felt my chair moving side to side very slightly. my life flashed before my eyes. an earthquake! could i get out in time? was it safe to go outside? am i supposed to crawl under my desk? stand in a doorway? go to a basement? is it worth risking my life to grab my wallet and sunglasses from my bag? should i just grab my whole bag? before i knew it my chair was still, and my lamp had stopped it's minor shaking.

i survived this one, i thought to myself.
hopefully next time i'll be this lucky.

this is TRUE! look here

It'll probably be just okay

Baby and Daddy are going to be reunited in a mere five days... and can she share a secret with you?

I FRICKING HATE PACKING:
There I said it.

Anyway, I was fooling around before... it is going to be AMAZING!

First Baby has to go to Houston for work, but that's small beans compared to all the adventures Baby and Daddy (and Chris and Kris) are going to have. We will probably sing along to Dirty Dancing and do the Pharaoh Dance!
YAAAAY!

THE CITY has been replaced

now that the city is over, and rachel zoe still is not on, make me a supermodel season 2 is my new obsession. i just watched all four episodes online because i am bored out of my mind here in the wilderness. daddy is in the mountains right now. but he is leaving today.

also one of the contestants, colin steers, is a student at carleton college.
aka a school across the river from a much more intelligent, higher ranked institution...st. olaf college.

for baby...

because i know how much baby still has a giant boner for john mayer.
him, and frasier crane.
baby used to blast her "room for squares" tape all the time in her scort. sometimes she would even blast it and drive past that frasier billboard.
you know, kill two birds with one stone.

bad habits :(

Here's a new one:

My concerned friend Dylan pointed out that I have a bad habit of using the phrase, "blow my brains out," which I didn't initially believe. Then he searched for the phrase (because gmail is AMAZING and everyone should have it!!) and offered up this startling visual proof (click to enlarge).

And that's what they call undeniable evidence. Also if you'd like to send him a congratulatory email, you can just look closely at his mountain decorated gmail inbox. All the info is right there. ALSO look at how many gchat friends he has. SOMEONE is pretty "busy" at work...

fun with files!

so i was woken up MULTIPLE times last night by INSANELY loud crashing sounds in the street beneath my window. i legit thought there was some serious or dangerous fight going on, so i rushed to the window at 3am and oh no, just some WASTED F-ING HIPSTERS laughing, dancing, and THROWING AROUND A METAL FILE CABINET over and OVER.

and even though my windows were closed they might as well have been WIDE OPEN, because they have the sound proofing abilities of NEWSPAPER.

a spooky discovery...

this is daddy's melodramatic pose after discovering a pet cemetery under the golden gate bridge. a pet cemetery from the 1800's! that was a big blow to our day. we were having so much fun till we came across those spooky pioneer animal ghosts!

baby has great taste!

look who daddy found!

adam from the city is a model on the MACY's website!
guess you're not the big hotshot we all thought you were, huh adam?
this is only one step up from modeling arizona jeans at jcpenny.

T.G.I.F.

Please tell me that whenever someone uses this phrase (or acronym, if we really want to be accurate here) that you IMMEDIATELY think of the evening ABC family friendly lineup so popular in the early 90s.

CAN I ALSO SHARE WITH YOU that Mr. Belvedere was maybe the best show ever and I think fondly of it from time to time. Some people, though, clearly share a similar, but more intense sentiment... case in point, THE WIKIPEDIA SITE for the show. Enjoy this selection:

"Each episode ended with Mr. Belvedere writing in his diary about the day in the Owens home.

A frequent gag on the show involved Heather's best friend Angela Shostakovich (Michele Matheson), often mispronouncing Mr. Belvedere's name (with such variations as "Mr. Bumpersticker" and "Mr. Bellpepper"). Another frequent gag involved Mr. Belvedere making fun of Wesley's best friend Miles Knobnoster (Casey Ellison), because of his orthodontic headgear. Yet another recurring gag featured George always trying to be initiated into the Happy Guys of Pittsburgh, a local men's club. Wesley's highly acrimonious relationship with the never-seen next door neighbors the Hufnagels, was another recurring plot element. Apparently, they meant to make all sorts of trouble between them and the Owenses, but usually, the Owenses won out.

In the two-part series finale, Mr. Belvedere married and moved to Africa."

He just RANDOMLY marries and moves to Africa. How satisfying for loyal viewers of the show. I guess it's not okay for British butlers to remain single and in the United States.

Also, Mr. Bumpersticker? Pure genius! I can't believe this show was ever cancelled! These recurring gags eventually got old? Unbelievable!!!

ALSO

Sometimes when Baby doodles in meetings, she doodles abstract forests. IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S DRAWING DADDY ALL THE TIME!!

Baby is disappointed.

Baby always had this idea that sexy things could happen in her office building elevator, like in the movies... with seventeen floors, it just seemed like there was a lot of potential for romance.

But then today she realized that the front desk guys watch the SECURITY CAMERAS of what's happening in the elevators all day long. And really, she can't blame them! Especially since this chick in there with me today was primping her too-short bangs in the reflective surfaces-- people do weird stuff when they think they're alone.

ANYWAY this is just a terrible day for romance. Baby's sad.

guess who?

baby gets bored in her important meetings...

so she doodles daddy to pass the time...

i'm flattered baby, i really am.

HOTSHOT

I just think everyone should know that today, in our daily Daddy on the Train and Baby in her Office phone conversation, Daddy aggressively and snidely referred to someone as a "hotshot."

Also, he wore shorts and sneakers so he could go on a lunchtime bike ride with his Daddy.

ode to office life, also, people love to hand-make signs

Can you tell that someone has major issues with people's misunderstanding of the paper/printer situation??

I've always secretly known that people love to make passive aggressive handwritten signs, and these via my office confirm that. Seriously, these bring me so much daily pleasure, I wish I could track down these secret sign-makers and give them a hug. Then let them vent their clearly deep-rooted personal issues.

Also, for the record, I did not make these signs. I have WAY better handwriting than this.

My Sarah.

my fav little jew girl comedian just modeled for the new Boy by Band of Outsiders look book. GOD I LOVE HER. the idea of subtly funny model shots is GENIUS to me. i actually laughed outloud when i saw these...mostly because i have a giant boner for sarah and her dirty, dirty mouth. that's right i said BONER.

side note: i have a pair of band of outsiders loafers. in fact i'm wearing them as i'm typing this. yeah. they were really expensive, okay? DADDY IS FANCY.

even daddy doesn't make typos like THIS.

a sentence from an email sent from our corporate offices in dallas:

"Our ASI-Modulex, Los Angeles office has been interested in being training relating the our AIA course program."

good one dawn, good one.

GAY

forgive me, but this is just too much.































and no. i have not turned this into a gay blog despite there being three gay posts in a row.

last night i saw a BLOODY LESBIAN.

i know the above picture is NOT that of a bloody lesbian, but let me tell you, last night we ran into a fucking angry bloody-ass lesbian, who was as bloody as the picture above (no joke). it was "ladies night" at this club next to our apartment, and as we're passing it on our way to another bar, we hear VIOLENT screaming from this tough girl (she had a very masculine energy) with blood POURING down her forehead as she was jumping around trying to "mess" with people.

"WHO THREW A FUCKING BOTTLE AT MY HEAD!?!?! WHO THE FUCK THREW A FUCKING BOTTLE AT MY HEAD!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"

she screamed this over and over again in a very aggressive way, confronting people and trying to get in their faces. meanwhile I'M CARRYING A FUCKING BOTTLE and am scared shitless this bitch is gonna come rip me a new one if she sees it. so i'm hiding it in my armpit while we're waiting desperately for the light to change so we can cross the street...all while she's screaming at the TOP OF HER LUNGS and being really scary and unpredictable.

you know when you feel so vulnerable that you feel naked from behind? that's how i felt.
i also feel that way when people are behind me going up the stairs.

GAY

does it weird anyone else out that he's a gay?
i mean not that there's anything wrong with that...he's just not very thin or neat.


i guess god makes gays in all shapes and sizes...

mid-twenties

what is mid-twenties?
24-26?
am i now out of my early twenties and into my mid-twenties?

god the word "twenties" is looking SO weird to me right now.

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY DADDY

Baby just talked to Daddy on the phone to wish him a HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY and he was blabbering on and on about whether or not he should wear a hat to the park and how his mommy hasn't called him yet (what's up with that, Dar?) and the naughty birthday presents that he got.

It reminds me of this time that Daddy had an ice skating birthday party. Actually, it was a two-part party situation. First we went to the Snoop Shoppe and painted ceramic doggies, then we went ice skating at Centennial Pool. Daddy took a pretty rough tumble right in the middle of this solo performance he was doing, and everyone stopped skating and looked at him. The whole rink got horribly quiet as Daddy lay on the rink, his tears melting the ice. Slowly, he picked himself up, brushed off his shiny, tight skating outfit, and nailed this really difficult spin/jump. Baby doesn't know the technical term for it because she was never as into competitive skating as Daddy was, but it was pretty impressive. Everyone clapped, and Daddy wore a big smile for the rest of the party.

And I think that tells us all a lot about who Daddy is today. We could all learn a lot from that 13 year old boy.

Private Correspondence: TENSION

Luke: good
daddy tried real hard
me: good
baby is not obsessed BY THE WAY
but that was a sexi smoking pic
am i right????????????
Luke: yes
me: ALSO
is it just me or does "san york" keep getting bigger and bigger????
why didnt daddy call baby this morning?
WHYT
WHYT TRASH
Sent at 12:41 PM on Friday
Luke: i called you twice
you HAG
me: NO YOU DIDNT
did you leave messages????
was i on the PHONE????
YOU are the hag
YOU ARE THE HAG

NEW FAVORITE

is it wierd that this is my new favorite blue collar beer? i literally just had three at the bar around the corner. am i trash?
i agree with this guy.

GOING GREY...

check out marc's facial hair. looks like it's time for some just for men beard gel!

the moment blog

baby keeps SECRETS

i KNEW baby was secretly obsessed with that vampire movie.
I KNEW IT.

SMOKER/SEXI

SOMEONE has totally taken our hairspray advice... AND LOOK HOW WELL IT WORKED OUT!

Also, he is smoking**



** NOT that Baby and Daddy condone smoking or anything, but.... sheesh (collar tug) !!

Brilliant Baby

Since Baby knows how to use Google, she answered Daddy's burning question about Season 2 of The Rachel Zoe Project (otherwise known as Daddy just wants to spend an hour watching Bravo and lusting after Brad) !!!

Just hold your breath till April, Daddy... then make sure you're wearing your tightest pants when the season premieres. The ones you wore to Poppa's funeral.

EYE KANT BELIEVE JAIME SAW THIS COAT IN PERSON

jaime saw this encased in glass in vegas. with donny's embalmed body still inside. just kidding. donny's not dead. it was just the coat. but still...i would die to see that coat. maybe sing a little joseph song under my breath as i'm inspecting it? daddy knows all the colors. he memorized them on a long car trip from the sleeve of his joseph tape.

to prove it to you he's going to type them out now without looking online or anything...

it was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange and blue!

WATCHMEN?

more like WATCH me try not to vom for 2 hours and 40 minutes...

Or baby could title this RANTS AND RAVES because she didnt appreciate the mommy seated next to her explaining to her elementary school age son all the historical references-- UM HELLO OBVIOUS POLICE: HE IS NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THIS MOVIE! I HOPE HE HAS NIGHTMARES JUST TO PUNISH YOU! ALSO I HATE TALKING DURING MOVIES YOU HAG!

BUT HOW COULD THIS BE??

read below for the scariest news IN THE WORLD:

Ore. arsonist targets 1990s green Ford Escorts
5 days ago
MEDFORD, Ore. (AP) — An arsonist is apparently on the prowl for green Ford Escorts from the 1990s. Three of them have been burned in recent weeks, a series that Medford police Sgt. Mike Budreau described as "pretty bizarre." A 1995 green Ford Escort was destroyed by flames early Sunday morning after someone broke a window and poured flammable liquid into it. A similar fire was set in a 1993 green Ford Escort parked in a driveway on Feb. 22.
Investigators have also uncovered a Feb. 2 case of a 1992 green Ford Escort damaged by a plastic container filled with flammable liquid placed next to a tire that burned without setting the car afire.
Budreau told the Mail Tribune newspaper in Medford, "I think this person really doesn't like Ford Escorts."

Information from: Mail Tribune, http://www.mailtribune.com/
Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Like my sister aptly put it, DOESN'T LIKE FORD ESCORTS?? BUT HOW COULD THAT BE??

Not to be insensitive, but...

Daddy wore inappropriately tight pants to his papa's funeral... imagine Daddy standing at church podium wearing these babies!

brad, Brad, BRAD!

ugh. WHEN is the 2nd season of rachel zoe gonna be on!?!?!

PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE (daddy messed up)

11:49 AM me: DONT come begining of april
i have to to to this green signage class in dallas
for a few dayz
:'(
11:53 AM Mollyanne: WHAT???
WHAT????
uuugh
kan i kall you??????????????
11:57 AM WELL GOOD THING I DIDN'T BUY MY TICKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11:59 AM me: WERE YOU GOING TO BUY IT FOR THE BEGINING OF APRIL??!?!?!
HOW WAS I TO KNOW!!!
Mollyanne: YES DUH STUPID
YOU STUPID ASS
I TOLD YOU THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
first weekend of april

or get a kalling kard

remember kalling kards???????????

RANTS AND RAVES

UGHHH. dad and step-mommy got my 11 year old sister a cell phone this weekend. i knew it. i knew this would happen. daddy didn't get a cell phone till SOPHMORE YEAR IN COLLEGE because certain people thought it was ridiculous that someone as young as i would ever need a cell phone. WELL LA DEE DA.

i know times are changing and all the kids have them but seriously, give your kid an f-ing quarter and have them CALL YOU FROM A PAYPHONE if they need to be picked up early...like we used to have to do.
or call collect and do that talk-really-fast thing so you don't have to pay.

"deep" graffiti

One of baby's favorite things is "deep" graffiti... it always makes Baby chuckle to think of someone standing there in the middle of the night, shaking their spray can, thinking, "I'm really going to blow their minds!" then choosing to make their message purple. Take that, society!

apartment nostalgia

Whenever Baby spots a Wassily, she gets that funny feeling. Weak in the knees, palms sweating, heart racing... she starts acting shy and awkward. Maybe one day she'll finally realize--- it's love.

FUNNY FACES