Hello, various Don'ts of Pitchfork Music Festival. You didn't know I was taking pics of you, but I was! So sue me.

But Don't.

Okay so this fella. I wavered initially because I LIKE jorts. But here's what kills it for me: even BEYOND the promotional nylon drawstring backpack, it's those fricking flip flops! Dude, be respectable and at least come up with some kind of sneaker or something. Or go whole hog and have like full-on man sandals. But highlighter green thick strap flip flops? This I cannot forgive.

Number 2. I feel bad for this purple shirt guy because he has an unfortunate body type (yes, I'm referring to the man-handles). But even so, that "trendy" cap makes me want to crush the Parms that he probably has in that messenger bag. All the bright colors? We get it, you're gay!

Hi, I'm making an annoying and desperate cry for attention. No, I'm not a member of an emergency response team. I'm like one of those people who has a mowhawk so that people will be forced to look at me. Well Baby isn't fooled. She sees right through you!

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