Voted sexiest man to ever live, ever!

BY ME!

I'm sorry, but my fella Phil is inarguably the sexiest man alive-- I am 100% deadly serious. It's not just his sexy attitude, but his deadpan delivery. Also, if you've ever seen the part in Love, Liza, where Phil yells up to Kathy Bates, "You had everything!" and chokes up... let's just say I hope a hanky is nearby for the tears sure to well up in your eyes. Because this man is a SEXY, BRILLIANT ACTOR. Get it, Phil. Get it.

more phun with durty wordz

Mollyanne: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
9:44 AM me: invisible
come in! were cunts
Mollyanne: haha
9:45 AM u r the cunt
me: cunty!
Mollyanne: cuntie!
like auntie
me: coughnt
cauhnt
cunti
Sent at 11:25 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: coontee
me: quntee
quontz
Mollyanne: kunta kinte
Sent at 11:30 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: kinda cuntie
me: boo-bee's
bü-bies
büü-bi's
Sent at 11:16 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: beubeez
Sent at 11:17 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: u r the beez kneez
me: like business?

I LOVE HOW FUNNY & FUNNY LOOKING SHE IS

this gave us a few good laughs last night.
the BEST sketches are when they simply CAN'T hold themselves together.

JUST TELL US WE'RE SEXY

CHRIS IS A COOZE

A brilliant cooze. Watch here for today's video diary entry-- an obvious ploy to be featured on blog.... Chris is a fame hungry young man.

STORE

we plan on selling MANY sassy signs at store.
framed.
sassy.
signs.
OKAY?

the selby

HOLY SHIT THESE ARE SEXY

"COURTESY OF MARJAN PEJOSKI, THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR BJORK’S INFAMOUS SWAN DRESS."

jak&jil

SHE FINALLY LOOKS GOOD

this is probably the first picture of kelly cutrone i've seen where she looks kind of pretty.
and probably the last.
poor kelly.
poor thin-lipped kelly.

NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING...

but i took the "what's your NPR personality" test of facebook and GOT F-ING TERRY GROSS!
LET ME TELL YOU I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER.
here is who i am:
You're Terry Gross, the prolific host of NPR's interview show Fresh Air. You've interviewed everyone, from Presidents to heroin addicts (and probably a few who were both!), so your public can rest assured that every time someone famous dies there will be a memorial interview played on the next day's show...

inspiration?

Was Daddy perhaps inspired to change the San York banner because of this mug:

which apparently is me, in mug form? (and therefore, everyone's favorite to drink from)

OH I UNDERSTAND. OH BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND.

i had no idea adam. you kept it SO undercover.
also, does anyone else feel they are a problematic style combo? i mean this drake guy's got the whole cool-vintage-gucci-belt-white-tee-tuxedo-jacket-awesome-boots-light-worn-out-skinnies thing going on...and adam? he's still trying to pull off this awkward idea of what an alternative 16 year old would look like smoking cigarettes outside of high school in 2002.

or pete wentz 5 years ago.

AKA LOOSE THE JET-BLACK JOHN AND KATE PLUS 8 HAIR AND THE CHEESY EYELINER AND YOU WILL LOOK MUCH COOLER ADAM. MUCH COOLER.

HEIDI I AM SO SORRY

apparently she was "tortured" on "i'm a celebrity get me out of here"
another thing that makes me sad is the fact that she's 23 and can't move her face.
WHAT ARE YOU SAVING FOR WHEN YOU ACTUALLY LOOK OLD?

rice popsicles, why do you elude me so?

The most exclusive, desirable food on the planet-- why are you so scarce, rice popsicles? Daddy and I loved eating you on Montrose Beach. Any random guy selling things out of a rolling cooler had plenty for us to buy and enjoy. Man, those were magical days. But since my move to NYC, nowhere to be found! So where the f do I get some???

YOU KNOW I ALREADY STALK THE OLSENS

Don't even get me started, Daddy. Don't even get me started.

CHLOË: JUNE 1ST CALVIN KLEIN/VISIONAIRE PARTY

i'm going to be doing this a lot from now on. molly now you choose someone to stalk.

I JUST CREAMED MY PANTS

so this image came up after i googled "lisa frank"
i mean i'd take a notebook with this on the cover...

i get by with a little help from my friends

UNBUTTONED

BUTTONED

WITH ONE BUTTON UNBUTTONED

me: try unbuttoning the top one. i think you look great!!!!
chris: really??
me: so handsome!!! yes
chris: don't just say that
me: uuugh chris i'm serious. okay what if you let the cardigan be above your belt? how does it look like that? i'm legit serious
chris: how??? like SAG?
me: sag?? i just mean don't like pull it down so taut

4:04 PM chris: it can't really rest above belt naturally
me: okay then let it go where it naturally wants to go
you just have to look comfortable in your own skin
chris: okay look now, with top button unbuttoned
me: okay. i'm so glad you smiled!!!!!! i like it!!! go with that. you seriously look really good.

But doesn't he look totally sexi and hireable?? YOU'RE WELCOME, FRIEND.

PLEASE JUST BONE ME ALREADY, CHLOË

I AM! I AM!

HARRIBLE hair decision

Why tacky moms decide to get "edgy" do's is beyond me. Please just get a simple mom bob, or, at the very most, highlights (NOT skunky ones) if you need to feel "young"--- I don't really care, as long as you don't embarass your kids, and yourself, by thinking you are "cool," because you are a mom, and you are not.

Because don't get me wrong: I kind of love KG here, despite the controversy and awkward style development ("fancy" sunglasses, bootcut jeans, peeptoe heels, sigh sigh sigh)--- but PLEASE GOD, HIRE A BETTER STYLIST! DO YOU SHARE WITH B. SPEARS?? All in all, I think a simpler hairdo would be a step in the right direction, Kate. A step towards healing.

I WANT THIS KAMERA

it's new! it comes out in july! it's an DSLR but in a compact body! did i mention it's SEXY!
why don't industrial designers understand that ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is make something look old and vintage and people like me, who only care about what things look like, not how they work, will EAT IT UP!

aka: DO IT WITH CELL PHONES! I WOULD DIE!

smoking???

Baby is really confused by this... "e-cigarettes"?? But then again, she's generally against contraptions, gadgets, new-fangled ideas, and things that might help people quit bad habits.

ALSO I feel like they could have come up with a better name... right?

WOAH baby and daddy put up smoking posts AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Daddy wishes he looked as seksie as this bitch when he "smokes"!!

A SAD DAY

I WILL MISS YOU A LOT. ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER ON PORCHES. AND ON PATIOS. AND IN THE PARK. AND WHEN I DRINK. AND WHEN I GO OUT. AND ON WALKS. AND AFTER A STRESSFUL DAY. AND AFTER A MEAL. AND WHEN I WANT TO LOOK COOL.

thanks for the advice, GAY

chris: what guys don't like is when girls are weirdly attached or send them texts like, "where are you??? what happened???"

"what guys don't like"? Please. Like advice from a gay is worth anything at all... what a waste of my time.

SIDENOTE: I think it would be really funny to sell "Advice" at Store... like when you're ringing someone up for their purchase, be like, now would you like some Advice to go with that? And they'd be like... okay? And then you'd hold out your hand, palm up.... that's an extra $50.

KATE FOUND SOME GRAFFITI IN MANHADDAN

in case you are blind or have mental problems this says "papa loves baby" which is even funnier than if it was "daddy." WHO is this papa? and WHO is this baby? it's a mystery and that's why so is mankind ...