HEARTBROKEN BABY

I didn't know what heartbreak really felt like until I stumbled across an article about this AMAZING STORE in the nytimes and then visited their blog... through the tears I managed to write this email to Daddy:

SUBJECT: baby is like having a heart attack

"BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE HAS A STORE THAT IS LIKE EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT STORE TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!! INCLUDING THE VINTAGE SHIRTS THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean not EXACTLY the same, but like so close because of the BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT of the thing and how they're not evil hipsters.

http://unisnewyork.blogspot.com

I AM JEALOUS

AND UPSET

xox"

I mean for serious, I'm sobbing on the floor right now in jean shorts and a headband. Can we ever be this cool? Why even go on???

dylan's take on baby's twittering for The Mouse

Dylan: Examples as the night progresses
5:05 "Mickey and I are going out to eat!"
6:35"Mickey got a burger, I got the fish"
7:23"Mickey and I are picking up some ice cream"
8:15 "We skipped the ice cream and got boooooze instead"
10:17"We're sooo drunk"
12:49"Mickey Mouse, you my only friend"
2:55"I'm mealing on a late night burrito (or your choice of late night food) right now"
and then after you pass out your drunk friends get a hold of your blackberry and write inappropriate things on the twitter account

PS this is not going to happen. Baby refuses to Twitter after 5pm... but what is "mealing"? Nobody knows.

how do you doodle ;)

Baby has started psycho-kursive doodling during konference kalls- kursive is HARD!

round glasses... baby is eating her words

Yes yes, it's true. Baby scoffed at round glasses with Daddy that one time. She takes it back.

Sexxi Poncho Models

Who knew that the sexiest people in the world HAPPEN to be poncho models? I didn't, not till today at least!! Thank goodness Annie showed me the light...

Loving ruddy-faced couples like to match, even down to their rain gear and timberlands! Even ghosts don't like getting caught in a surprise thunderstorm!

Don't want to block the view to your fabulous outfit? No problem! Just do like Janet here, and wear what seems to be Saran Wrap... We wouldn't want anyone to miss those sexy khakis, would we?

i just can't get enough

seriously, how HOT is lohan looking these days?

now daddy has a scary apartment note.

this was found in the entryway to out apt building. first off, who uses the term "maxi pads"? second, who would legitimately collect them and put them in a bag, next to the front door? third, WHO is going to eventually take them away? it's been sitting there for a few days now, and it would be nice to not have to walk by a bag of used maxi pads every time i enter and exit my apartment.
just kidding. i actually like walking by them.

not just any ski video

Level 1 Breitling All Mountain Film Comp from Josh Berman on Vimeo.


my roomie's song was randomly used for this oddly cool ski video. i just like that the dudes skiing aren't all decked out in high tech performance gear showing off some "refined skillz"... they're just like "hey, check out this cool shit i taught myself to do." and not that i'm one for extreme sports, but this makes me want to go ski so so bad.
just like how watching "blue crush" makes me want to surf.
is it sad that that's the only kate bosworth movie i can think of right now?

sorree daddy

me: like, that is a dream life. all i can say is that someday we better be able to spend whole summers at one of our summer houses , laying on the dock, eating pizza, running straight into the lake with all our clothes on

12:27 PM Jaime: not stopping to jump, just running like we were on fire,
i can still see how luke jumped in haggerman and it makes me LAUGH SO HARD, and then he probably drowned because he can't swim

me: he can't!!!!
he's the worst
doggie paddle

12:28 PM Jaime: but really really bad doggie paddle. like all dogs swim better than luke.

12:33 PM me: oh yeah because they naturally move gracefully
unlike our friend foss

Jaime: hahah
foss

SORRY DADDY-- But everybody knows you are not a natural swimmer. It's okay, Baby will always bring your water wings :)

This is the kind of shit that scares me

Like, repetitive nonsense, taped to the door? Oddly placed quotation marks? "A job"? Baby's next door neighbor REALLY doesn't want anyone to enter his apartment...

...WHAT ARE YOU HIDING IN THERE? BODY PARTS??

slammin' bod

this is the body every 22 year old chick should have. wait i mean 89 year old.

the superficial

fun new song by three very sexy swedes

EVERYBODY DANCE!

it IS better

it's real...LOOK.

sf is BOILINK hot

it's been in the 90's the past few dayz here, and daddy is BOILINK hot. he has lobster red sun burns to prove it.
and what's worse in the HEAT IS STILL ON IN OUR APARTMENT.
newsflash mori herscowitz (our landlord), IT'S HOT AS SIN outside and our apt already gets BATHED in sunlight 24/7, the last thing we need is heat radiating from the baseboards of our ENTIRE apartment, especially when the news is warning us about heat advisories and old people dying!

literally i have not been this hot since lolla last august, when i was forced to get a free ipod sock from the boost mobile tent so i would have something to wipe the sweat that was NON-STOP DRIPPING DOWN MY FACE.

i had a good time seeing radiohead though.
good times.
good times.

Please never call me Pinocchio

One of my favorite things is being accused of being a liar on my lunch break from work. Oh wait, I actually find that unnecessary and upsetting.

Some dude on the street was harassing me about this salon deal and wouldn't leave me alone, "what salon do you go to? who cuts your hair?" so finally after many --no thank you, no thank you's-- I told him, "I cut my own hair, so seriously, no thanks!"

And suddenly dude got NASTY and in a fake sing-song voice was like like "See you Pinocchio! Say hi to Geppetto!" which is like seriously disturbing. No need to moralize in terms of spooky folk tales at one in the afternoon on an otherwise perfectly pleasant Tuesday.

Also, I was actually not lying-- I cut my own hair because I am controlling and it is not that hard.

Later, I saw him getting ice cream at the Mister Softee truck. People like that shouldn't be allowed to eat ice cream.

Baby is famous!

I mean, this might as well be a star in the Walk of Fame... in reality it is Baby's name scratched into the sidewalk right by Baby's doctor's office way uptown!

i thought i was done with school....hmph! :(

THIS is a slide from daddy's online traffic school course he has to take for the $300 speeding ticket he got back in december. it's taking much longer than expected.

so yesterday i worked on it all afternoon and after each slide the number changes (slide 82 of 125), to show your progress in the class, and after a set of slides there's little quizzes...so dumb ass daddy thought once he got to the end he was home free!

NOT. i FINALLY got to slide 125 and was re-directed to the homepage where it showed i had only completed part 1! part 1 of like 10 or something!

bottom line it's going to take daddy a while to finish his masters in defensive driving. thank goodness there's none of those pesky loans to worry about afterwards!

YOUR BABY IS AN ASSHOLE

it's true...

this is a funny blog about babies and how they're big assholes.

YOUR BABY IS AN ASSHOLE























i think it's funniest how he refers to them all as "baby."

just GENERIC "baby"...kind of like baby and daddy.

anyway JUST LOOK. it's funny.

blowing my own mind with phonetics

Right now I am like STAGGERED by the word "crazy".

Most specifically, the issue is that if I were really trying to explain the pronunciation of "crazy" to someone, I would write it out like this:

kray-z

but in reality, the z and the y are switched! Probably this has something to do with the word "craze," except wait... is that a real word??

(Hold while I look up "craze"... okay it's real.)

But really, does that like actually make any sense?? I mean Wow! English is nuts! I'm going to start always spelling it krayz from today forward.

True confession: I think I've had too much coffee and not enough personal interaction today.

Baby has "that New York feeling"

I knew something deep within my DNA had changed today when a cab stopped in the middle of the crosswalk as I was dashing across at the end of a stale yellow, so I smacked the hood of his car, yelled “dude!” and wildly gestured to the PEDESTRIAN ZONE he was invading. I’m pretty sure he was cursing me to the depths of some kind of hell but man, did I walk into my office building feeling all kinds of wonderful. It's those daily victories, right?

And although I recently bought some plants for my apartment since I fear I’m not getting enough oxygen while I sleep (does New York make you paranoid? maybe), Law and Order films those scary body-discovery scenes basically right outside my apartment, and my bedroom is the width of a double bed, concessions must be made in the pursuit of something great.

New York is the weirdest place ever, but people keep coming. Read this NYMag article about why.

someone get on webmd, i'm feeling ill

BECAUSE THERE ARE 3 HILLS POSTS IN A ROW!!!

if it were up to daddy, would this just be a blog about gays and the hills?

YOU
MAKE
ME
SICK

Do us all a favor, daddy, and GET A GRIP.

FORIVE DADDY FOR HIS MENTAL PROBLEMS

apparently the hills has already started.
daddy didn't know.
sorry, he doesn't have cable and can't constantly be reminded by mtv that it's on again.
i legit thought i was delivering breaking news with that trailer.
now i'm just embarrassed. :(

speaking of the hillz

HOW DRAMATIC AND MOVIE-LIKE DOES SEASON 5 LOOK!?!
i may or may not have shed a tear while watching this trailer.

pridee heidi

now and then

look how we've grown!

well look who we have here...

baby baby and baby daddy!

I'm so, so, so sorry--

--but this blog is horribly, horribly sexy.
These people live in New York with me? Like, WHERE ARE THEY? Certainly in Union Square in the morning, or in Times Square after work. Obviously I would notice a terribly sexy individual as I was pushing them out of my way with my body and bags (as I tend to do after work because STOP WALKING LIKE SLOW ASSHOLES-- INSTEAD JUST GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!) so seriously, what's the deal?

Here's my theory: these people have cool, made-up jobs, live where there are no supermarkets or american apparels (so cool!), don't get up before 10:30AM, and never go above 14th st-- GOD I AM SO JEALOUS OF THEM!!

a fun new commercial!

daddy loves people with mental problems.

disappointed daddy

baby's visit to san francisco was as expected...

she hated the city. she constantly complained about the weather, the crazies, and most of all, the trees.

jesus, i'm glad she's outta my hair!

maybe next time baby comes she can open up her teeny tiny little mind a little and realize that there's a world outside manhaddan.

Two worlds, one family

BABY AND DADDY ARE BACK TOGETHER AND EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY THE SAME... ONLY BETTER.
Daddy still loves to prance in his short shorts and gymnastics teacher sneakers.

Baby still monopolizes the conversation with her aggressive hand gestures... too much coffee, Baby?

Don't worry, we're being really careful. We heed all the severe signage at the beach:
and even though we accidentally stumbled upon a NUDE area of the beach, we covered our eyes and didn't see a thing!

the countdown continues

... only two days until Baby's in San Fran! She can't wait for Daddy to pick her up in his fancy Saab. Maybe we'll teach San Fran how to do the Pharaoh Dance.
Meanwhile Baby is still in Houston, city of many highways, the creepiest 50's looking aquarium, and (bonus!) surprisingly few hobos. At least her hotel has free wireless AND is conveniently close to both Neiman's as well as the Zone De Erotica! What more could you ask for?

CURRENT EVENTS: forgive me, but i love the royal family

HOW cute is this pic of the obamas meeting the queen today!
god she's so small.

and they give each other presents!
obama gave her an ipod, which contains "footage of her state visit to the US in May 2007."
and in return she gave obama "a silver framed photograph of herself and her husband."

and apparently...
"The gift exchange was closely watched...ever since the British press took high exception to the modest presents the Obamas gave Gordon Brown and wife on their visit to the White House last month: a box set of DVDs, allegedly in the wrong format, and a couple of models of Marine One for the Brown boys."

hahaha silly obamas.