YAY AL

FINALLY. A STRONG, HANDSOME REPUBLICAN SERVING MN. NOW WE CAN MAKE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE.
just playin'...thank you minnesota, thank you.
i knew my good for nothing college state was good for something!
just playin' again.
i love you.


yes i KNOW he's a democrat

Goodbye, old friend

I lost you, classy tortoise BluBlockers, in Lake Michigan, so at least I know you're resting in a peaceful place-- no sharks, just fake sand, high levels of bacteria and the occasional floating condom.

BUT STILL. Life will never look as pretty as it did through your polarized lenses, optimized for driving. Plus your oversized aviator shape was universally flattering.

I know I could order a new pair from the world wide web, but it's just not the same as buying you from a suburban Walgreens all those summers ago. Daddy and I have loved you from the beginning. Not just since Zach Galifaniskashasha wore you in The Hangover.

You had a baby! Kind of...

Congrats to new parents Sarah and Matt! Too bad you gave these little bibis the creepiest old lady names in the world, just like I predicted would happen... but at least of neither of you had to involve your bodies beyond cups and needles in the creation/incubation of your twins-- clever!

HAPPY PRIDE 09

sorry to GAY up the blog again baby. but i experienced my first san francisco pride and it was pretty INSANE. my favorite time of the weekend was the dyke march on saturday night and post parade party on sunday. we had a lot of plans. we were really busy. we are really cool.

also an ongoing joke from the weekend was us throwing our hands in the air and yelling in cheesy soft man voice "THIS IS YOUR DAY!" "THIS DAY IS FOR YOU!"

I'M INTO THESE MAN-BRACELETS.

WE LOST SOME GOOD FRIENDS TODAY.

michael, i will miss your inspirational lyrics. because it doesn't matter if you're black or white.


and farrah, i will miss your hair.

i chose to use old classy pictures instead of current ones. i think you understand.

FAMOUS SISTER

Casually modeling the newest Knoll chair, my sis, KT!

Luke is seething with jealousy.

diary 2

YES.

WHY I HAVE SUCH HIGH SELF ESTEEM

Mollyanne: hahaha
those pics sammie took of you!!!
crows feet
god you are looking rough

Mollyanne: luke is such a body perv of course he likes cats what a creep

Mollyanne: http://www.partyhearty.com/kissingadvice.html
why???
for kissing tips for you

Chris: Mollyanne: hahahaha
he is looking rough these days
he'd better hook a man before its too late

Chris: Sam: luke was strugglin in some of these
hehe
me: for real
Sam: like the close up when he had that purple shit on his face

MY MAIN BITCH IS BACK

SHE WILL NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.
she has a new album out. it's not new songs, but revamped oldies but goodies. this explains it:

"In 2007, there was Volta, a CD of new songs from Bjork. Well, just before Bjork's performance at the Glastonbury Festival in 2007, and before beginning what would be a two-year Volta tour, she and her band went into Olympic Studios in London. There, the group recorded live to tape selections from Medulla, Homogenic, Post, Vespertine and her latest. These performances are what make up Voltaic."

listen to it here at the NPR website.

ALSO ISN'T THIS PICTURE INSANELY BEAUTIFUL?

SO HOW LONG DID YOU FRENCH ON THE STAIRS?

I mean "frenching" is maybe the best term I've heard in the past 8-10 months. It's so amazingly junior high and beautiful. Because honestly, what sounds better than a little frenching on the stairs? And afterwards, please tell me how long it lasted.

BECAUSE IT'S TRUE

Office gay just told me I have the "best hair ever," and I think I owe it all to the hairspray.

THIS CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH TO SATISFY MY CRAVINGS

Apparently the official premiere date for The Rachel Zoe Project: Season 2, is August 25th! Mark your giant desk calendars and set a reminder in your outlook, kids, because this is shaping up to be the hottest date you'll have ALL SUMMER LONG.

Actually, I hope everyone has hotter, real life dates. Including frenching. But if not, at least there's high quality cable programming like Bravo. Or be like Daddy and get a cat as a substitute for human love.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

"Mollyanne: omg that orange red dress

kill me i want to DIE in that dress."

PFFT! TOO BAD YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT!

if i have my way you'll be buried in an OLD NAVY SUNDRESS.
i mean burned, burned in an old navy sundress.

we all know baby wants to be burned so mary can't "keep her all in one piece."

UM, AWESOME.

How discouraging is this? At the random cubicle I sit in when I go to our other office, someone took the time to tape up an "inspirational" (read: kind of desperate/sad) fortune cookie fortune, and then some other, pessimistic person took the time to write "but he's ugly" on it.

Bitter much?

SINCE YOU ASKED

My girl Ashley got a really secksie haircut... I just like when people are adventurous because hello, hair grows!

Rando longer pieces in the front=totally brilliant.

so it turns out baby and daddy's matching "stay gold" shirts are from the book "the outsiders" we all read in like 7th grade. WHO KNEW?
"stay gold pony boy, stay gold."

CHLOË: COVER "A MAGAZINE" ISSUE #9 BY PROENZA SCHOULER

see? i'm never stopping. WHAT HAVE THE OLSENS BEEN UP TO MOLLY?

more

JINX!

You owe me a coke.

No, the terrifying phenomenon I am talking about here is hardcore, TRUE JINXING, in which all the hopes you've secretly nurtured are DASHED because you foolishly talked about them! I believe in jinxing-- I don't want to, but I do...

I mean listen to Wikipedia:

"The superstition is sometimes used when talking about a future event with too
much confidence. A statement like "We're sure to win the contest!" can be seen as a jinx by tempting fate. For the human mind, the irony makes it all the more likely. This therefore brings bad luck: it is a "jinx". The event itself is referred to as "jinxed"."

THIS IS SO EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT JINXES! And I don't mean the "saying the same thing at the same time" nonsense.

I WANT HIM

facehunter

L WORD

for the past few months whenever my roommates and i have a free night, we gather on the couch and watch what has quickly become one of my favorite shows of all time. we are now at the end of season 3 and last nights episode was a JAW DROPPER...literally it was the central theme of all my dreams last night, and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it all morning.

i know there's always a shit ton of "premium channel drama" recommendations flying around, but SERIOUSLY this show will CHANGE YOUR LIFE even if you don't like lesbians (and if you don't we're not friends anyway so stop reading this blog).

THIS IS HOW WE LIVE AND LOOOOOOOOOOVE!

CHLOË: ELLE JUNE 2009

THINGS I'VE BEEN LIKING ON THE SELBY LATELY

SORRY ZELDA, GUESS I DON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM (COLLAR TUG)

"Little People are societally handicapped. They have about two minutes to present themselves as equals—and if they don’t take advantage of that chance, then people fall back on the common assumption that 'less' is less."
-zelda rubenstein

now now i'm not trying to poke fun. chris and i were having a lengthy discussion about midgets (okay fine little people) last night...and how as children, his brother and sister would scream and cry in their presence. we had some good laughs.

Voted sexiest man to ever live, ever!

BY ME!

I'm sorry, but my fella Phil is inarguably the sexiest man alive-- I am 100% deadly serious. It's not just his sexy attitude, but his deadpan delivery. Also, if you've ever seen the part in Love, Liza, where Phil yells up to Kathy Bates, "You had everything!" and chokes up... let's just say I hope a hanky is nearby for the tears sure to well up in your eyes. Because this man is a SEXY, BRILLIANT ACTOR. Get it, Phil. Get it.

more phun with durty wordz

Mollyanne: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
9:44 AM me: invisible
come in! were cunts
Mollyanne: haha
9:45 AM u r the cunt
me: cunty!
Mollyanne: cuntie!
like auntie
me: coughnt
cauhnt
cunti
Sent at 11:25 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: coontee
me: quntee
quontz
Mollyanne: kunta kinte
Sent at 11:30 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: kinda cuntie
me: boo-bee's
bü-bies
büü-bi's
Sent at 11:16 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: beubeez
Sent at 11:17 AM on Tuesday
Mollyanne: u r the beez kneez
me: like business?

I LOVE HOW FUNNY & FUNNY LOOKING SHE IS

this gave us a few good laughs last night.
the BEST sketches are when they simply CAN'T hold themselves together.

JUST TELL US WE'RE SEXY

CHRIS IS A COOZE

A brilliant cooze. Watch here for today's video diary entry-- an obvious ploy to be featured on blog.... Chris is a fame hungry young man.

STORE

we plan on selling MANY sassy signs at store.
framed.
sassy.
signs.
OKAY?

the selby

HOLY SHIT THESE ARE SEXY

"COURTESY OF MARJAN PEJOSKI, THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR BJORK’S INFAMOUS SWAN DRESS."

jak&jil

SHE FINALLY LOOKS GOOD

this is probably the first picture of kelly cutrone i've seen where she looks kind of pretty.
and probably the last.
poor kelly.
poor thin-lipped kelly.

NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING...

but i took the "what's your NPR personality" test of facebook and GOT F-ING TERRY GROSS!
LET ME TELL YOU I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER.
here is who i am:
You're Terry Gross, the prolific host of NPR's interview show Fresh Air. You've interviewed everyone, from Presidents to heroin addicts (and probably a few who were both!), so your public can rest assured that every time someone famous dies there will be a memorial interview played on the next day's show...

inspiration?

Was Daddy perhaps inspired to change the San York banner because of this mug:

which apparently is me, in mug form? (and therefore, everyone's favorite to drink from)

OH I UNDERSTAND. OH BELIEVE ME I UNDERSTAND.

i had no idea adam. you kept it SO undercover.
also, does anyone else feel they are a problematic style combo? i mean this drake guy's got the whole cool-vintage-gucci-belt-white-tee-tuxedo-jacket-awesome-boots-light-worn-out-skinnies thing going on...and adam? he's still trying to pull off this awkward idea of what an alternative 16 year old would look like smoking cigarettes outside of high school in 2002.

or pete wentz 5 years ago.

AKA LOOSE THE JET-BLACK JOHN AND KATE PLUS 8 HAIR AND THE CHEESY EYELINER AND YOU WILL LOOK MUCH COOLER ADAM. MUCH COOLER.

HEIDI I AM SO SORRY

apparently she was "tortured" on "i'm a celebrity get me out of here"
another thing that makes me sad is the fact that she's 23 and can't move her face.
WHAT ARE YOU SAVING FOR WHEN YOU ACTUALLY LOOK OLD?

rice popsicles, why do you elude me so?

The most exclusive, desirable food on the planet-- why are you so scarce, rice popsicles? Daddy and I loved eating you on Montrose Beach. Any random guy selling things out of a rolling cooler had plenty for us to buy and enjoy. Man, those were magical days. But since my move to NYC, nowhere to be found! So where the f do I get some???

YOU KNOW I ALREADY STALK THE OLSENS

Don't even get me started, Daddy. Don't even get me started.

CHLOË: JUNE 1ST CALVIN KLEIN/VISIONAIRE PARTY

i'm going to be doing this a lot from now on. molly now you choose someone to stalk.

I JUST CREAMED MY PANTS

so this image came up after i googled "lisa frank"
i mean i'd take a notebook with this on the cover...

i get by with a little help from my friends

UNBUTTONED

BUTTONED

WITH ONE BUTTON UNBUTTONED

me: try unbuttoning the top one. i think you look great!!!!
chris: really??
me: so handsome!!! yes
chris: don't just say that
me: uuugh chris i'm serious. okay what if you let the cardigan be above your belt? how does it look like that? i'm legit serious
chris: how??? like SAG?
me: sag?? i just mean don't like pull it down so taut

4:04 PM chris: it can't really rest above belt naturally
me: okay then let it go where it naturally wants to go
you just have to look comfortable in your own skin
chris: okay look now, with top button unbuttoned
me: okay. i'm so glad you smiled!!!!!! i like it!!! go with that. you seriously look really good.

But doesn't he look totally sexi and hireable?? YOU'RE WELCOME, FRIEND.

PLEASE JUST BONE ME ALREADY, CHLOË

I AM! I AM!

HARRIBLE hair decision

Why tacky moms decide to get "edgy" do's is beyond me. Please just get a simple mom bob, or, at the very most, highlights (NOT skunky ones) if you need to feel "young"--- I don't really care, as long as you don't embarass your kids, and yourself, by thinking you are "cool," because you are a mom, and you are not.

Because don't get me wrong: I kind of love KG here, despite the controversy and awkward style development ("fancy" sunglasses, bootcut jeans, peeptoe heels, sigh sigh sigh)--- but PLEASE GOD, HIRE A BETTER STYLIST! DO YOU SHARE WITH B. SPEARS?? All in all, I think a simpler hairdo would be a step in the right direction, Kate. A step towards healing.

I WANT THIS KAMERA

it's new! it comes out in july! it's an DSLR but in a compact body! did i mention it's SEXY!
why don't industrial designers understand that ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is make something look old and vintage and people like me, who only care about what things look like, not how they work, will EAT IT UP!

aka: DO IT WITH CELL PHONES! I WOULD DIE!

smoking???

Baby is really confused by this... "e-cigarettes"?? But then again, she's generally against contraptions, gadgets, new-fangled ideas, and things that might help people quit bad habits.

ALSO I feel like they could have come up with a better name... right?

WOAH baby and daddy put up smoking posts AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Daddy wishes he looked as seksie as this bitch when he "smokes"!!

A SAD DAY

I WILL MISS YOU A LOT. ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER ON PORCHES. AND ON PATIOS. AND IN THE PARK. AND WHEN I DRINK. AND WHEN I GO OUT. AND ON WALKS. AND AFTER A STRESSFUL DAY. AND AFTER A MEAL. AND WHEN I WANT TO LOOK COOL.

thanks for the advice, GAY

chris: what guys don't like is when girls are weirdly attached or send them texts like, "where are you??? what happened???"

"what guys don't like"? Please. Like advice from a gay is worth anything at all... what a waste of my time.

SIDENOTE: I think it would be really funny to sell "Advice" at Store... like when you're ringing someone up for their purchase, be like, now would you like some Advice to go with that? And they'd be like... okay? And then you'd hold out your hand, palm up.... that's an extra $50.

KATE FOUND SOME GRAFFITI IN MANHADDAN

in case you are blind or have mental problems this says "papa loves baby" which is even funnier than if it was "daddy." WHO is this papa? and WHO is this baby? it's a mystery and that's why so is mankind ...

IT'S TIME TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
WELL HERE IT IS...

11:00am--we went to the view. we sat in front. we were really close to whoopi but only in an audience-host way. other hosts seemed to be noticing us more and making more eye contact than whoopi. whoopi is very busy during shows. especially during days of hot topics.

12:00pm--quick outfit change in molly's apt. spent some quality time with the spicy meat smell.

1:00pm--met sarah for lunch at cafe habana. waited forever. got seated next to two mysterious young men, one of whom was late to pick up his suit from prada. JD Ferguson used the tiny habana bano next to our table. there was a fire-related emergency in the building above us, which really took away from our convo b/c of all the sirens and commotion. I WANT MY MONEY BACK HABANA! just kidding LOLZ! sarah had to leave early b/c she had successfully missed 1/2 a day of work grabbing lunch with us. we finished eating but baby kept asking for refills of coffee (what else is new! pfft!)

3:00pm--after visiting a few stores-of-our-dreams (meaning inspiration for our own store) molly suggested a visit to the local barney's co-op. after a good 10 minutes upstairs, we went downstairs. molly told me to turn around and that i would never guess who was behind us. WHOOPI. we may have texted you or emailed you or told you in person or over the phone already... but yeah. she was there. eventually we meander over to her area (KEEP IN MIND IT'S LITERALLY THE TWO OF US, WHOOPI, AND THE BROWN-NOSING SALES ASSISTANT HELPING HER FIND T-SHIRTS IN THE SALE SECTION). before we know it, whoopi is looking at a shirt in the rack 6 inches from my body. after snickering at one of her jokes, she looks up at us (SHE IS SHORT) and asks "Hey! were you two at the show today?" "YES, WHOOPI! YES WE WERE!"

3:15pm-- before we know it we are chatting with her about abortion and the language used for the opposing sides (she's a fan of choice and anti-choice NOT pro-choice and pro-life) it's going along great until molly awkwardly brings up some hyperion book talk shit. lets just say it all went downhill from there. ANYWHO in the end she extended her hand to both of us and said "IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU," and shook them. baby and daddy ran off skipping down the streets of soho GIDDY AS SIN.

here are the crazy things about this encounter:
1) she recognized us from the audience of a show she taped everyday.
2) she approached US. even IF she by chance recognized us she didn't have to approach us.
3) she engaged us in conversation.
4) she initiated handshakes.

EVEN THOUGH SHE IS A RANDOM ASS CELEB. BE JEALOUS AS FUCK PLEASE.

GAGA A-GA-GA-GAIN!

MY NEW FAV.